Yep, sex addiction is real, for sure. Let me tell you why.
Sex Addiction: Is it Addiction or Not?
If you are here contemplating if your man has a problem with sex addiction or not, then keep reading. People might argue that it does not matter if you call it sex addiction or not. I would contend that it does matter what you call it in order to begin recovery. So many people want to believe that sex addiction is not real. Sex addiction is real and if someone you love struggles with it, he will need your help.
I know that dealing with the term “sex addiction” is big and takes a lot of courage. If you really struggle with the inability to stop watching porn, masturbating, or engaging in sex acts, then it must be dealt with. Let me tell you a story to illuminate the idea. I worked with a professional man, “Jim” a while back and this is how it went. Jim, a doctor, had struggled with pornography consumption for over 30 years. He didn’t think it was that big of deal. His wife disagreed when she found a history of 30+ hours of intense pornography viewing over the past 5+ years. It devastated her. How could she not know? What would she do?
Jim denied it was a problem and cut down his viewing. In fact, he did not watch any porn for a while. He thought he was in good shape. Until he wasn’t.
What Does Neuroscience Show About Pornography Addiction?
Here is what the neuroscience shows about pornography and sex addiction. It is, in fact, not about sex at all. It is about brain science and how masturbation and viewing pornography wires the brain incorrectly from an early age. This early mis-wiring creates and perpetuates pornography addiction. What happens is when a young man finds masturbation or porn (or both) and uses it to soothe himself from painful family dynamics, it creates a built-in pain reliever in the brain. At the same time, it creates a heightened reward system. So, if you are still following me, the brain gets out of pain and is rewarded big time for masturbating and watching porn. This begins a habit of using sex to avoid the pain of life.
Ok, so back to the term addiction for a minute. I know that you may have read online that regular pornography viewing and masturbation have been called by various terms. One such term is “hypersexuality”, another is “compulsive sexual behavior”. However, there are stark differences in these terms and what happens to the person truly addicted to porn. The differences are important.
What is Hypersexuality?
In hypersexuality, a person wants to have lots of sex with his or her partner. Not lots of watching of sex or sex by himself, but sex with his mate. “Hyper” means a lot. So, the hypersexual person needs lots of sex. However, brain mechanisms are different. It is not the same as someone who is acting out by himself or with partners outside of his marriage. This is different.
What is Compulsive Sexual Disorder?
I love this term. If it were true. This term is so much less harsh then sex addiction. Unfortunately, in a compulsive sexual disorder, the person doesn’t derive pleasure from acting out sexually. In a compulsion, a person feels a deep, deep need to perform a behavior to soothe an obsessive thought. It is along the lines of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). If you understand how OCD works then you that it creates the opposite effect. The behavior feels bad to the person while he is performing it, but still, he cannot stop. In sexual and pornography addiction, the act feels good and keeps the person coming back for me. Just like other, better-known substance addictions, like alcoholism and drug addiction, it is not good for the person but feels good to them in the short run.
What Is Pornography Addiction?
Pornography addiction is a behavioral addiction. That means that the person who is watching porn becomes addicted to it through his behavior. It all goes back to the brain. Don’t believe me, check out the science, it is remarkable. When a person watches porn and masturbates to it, over time an addictive cycle can begin. It doesn’t happen for everyone but if your man has been watching porn consistently for a long time, it likely has happened to him. find out more about the signs of Porn Addiction HERE.
The brain counts on the dump of dopamine every time the person watches porn. It acts like a drug. Even thinking about watching porn does it for them in time. Porn addiction is becoming one of the most powerful addictions in the world due to the huge internet presence of porn.
Should I Be Upset That My Husband Watches Porn?
Yes, you should be upset that your husband watches porn! Not for any emotional reason (even though that is legit too) but because every time he does, he is neurologically wiring in the image of other women and not you. This hard wiring for porn will absolutely crush your relationship as time goes by. This is about science ladies, not feelings. Scientifically he is wiring his brain for objectified sex with an image and his hand or worse another random human being, not loving sex with you. So, it is not time to be mad at him, it is time to help him. If you want to know more about what porn does to the brain, check out my short course HERE.
How Can I Get Help for a Porn or Sex Addiction?
I can help. I have learned a lot in my Brain Health Coach and Sexual Recovery Coach training. Also, I have learned even more through my life experience. Here is the main thing I want you to know. Not all therapists are the same. Not all approaches are equal. You can waste a truck load of time, money, and energy doing all the wrong stuff with the wrong professional. Instead, you could be efficient with the right professional. I must be honest with you here, it may not be fast, per se, but it will be efficient. Nothing will be wasted. I have been trained by the leading professionals in the world in brain health and sex addiction. On top of that I have many years of experience as a professional. I can help you achieve your goals.
Dr. Trish Leigh has completed certification through the American Academy of Sex Addiction Therapists. She has years of experience helping professional men who have problems with pornography and sex addiction. Dr. Leigh uses her Personal Neuro Training Program to help men who are addicted to porn and sex and their partners. Dr. Leigh works with couples together as well to provide the highest level of sex addiction coaching and care possible. Dr. Leigh is trained by Dr. Doug Weiss a leading forefather in the field of sex addiction.
Dr. Leigh understands the sensitive nature of this challenge and uses her Neuro Training program to help. Please sign up for Neuro Training and Dr. Leigh will provide for you the sex addiction intake form and proper coaching treatment plan to help you and your family conquer this challenging struggle. If you have any questions email Dr. Leigh at firstname.lastname@example.org. To arrange a complimentary zoom call to see if working together feels right, choose a time HERE.