If you are trying to figure out if your man’s porn watching is porn addiction, then you know this can be slightly challenging. Especially when he is telling you it’s no big deal, but you feel like it is. You can look for these porn addiction signs to discern the truth. Mostly wives reach out to me, so I will speak to you in this blog post. But, if you are a man struggling with porn addiction, kudos to you for getting educated on porn addiction signs. I can help.

“Micro-managing Porn and Masturbation?

I know that many men think that their wife is nuts and over-reacting about their pornography use and masturbation. I also know that at some point in their recovery, they realize their wife was right, it is a bigger deal than they realized, and it is an addiction. This is what I hear a lot, “I thought she was stupid and weak, I now know she was smart and strong”. Unfortunately, many times you, the spouse of a sex addict, must lead the way into recovery. I am here for you.

The reason the word “addiction” is important is that it signifies if sexual behavior has control of your man or if he has control of it. If it is an addiction, it has control of him and he probably doesn’t even know it. There are ways you can help him see the light. Porn addiction is quickly becoming the most prominent and dangerous behavioral addiction out there. It is important that you understand it is a brain problem, not a sex problem. Science proves it is neurological in nature. The “Hi-jacked Brain” is how the brain of sex addiction is referred. Sex is just the way that the brain has been wired to cope with life.

Here are the top 5 characteristics that it is porn addiction and not just a light masturbation habit.

5 Signs of Porn Addiction

1. Try to Stop Watching Porn

In any addiction, there have glimmering moments that your spouse has thought to himself, “this is a problem”. In those moments, he may have even vowed to stop. However, he has been unable to. The inability to stop means the situation is out of his control. It quite literally has control over him. He may have even promised you he would stop, but he was not able to deliver on that promise. This is especially the case when real-life problems hit the fan due to his porn watching or sexual behaviors and he still can’t stop. As his wife, you might be asking yourself “why he doesn’t care enough to stop”? It is because he can’t. It is an addiction. Addicts can’t stop by themself. They need help to stop.

2. Consequences of Porn Watching

When faced with consequences of his porn watching or sexual behavior he still can’t stop. Even if you are constantly mad at him and eventually threaten to kick him out, he keeps going. He might have been able to stop for a little while, but then he is back to it. Again, it is out of his control. Many times, the consequences are financial and relational. The addiction has cost you and him a high price.

3. Building Tolerance – More Time & Intensity, Disengaged From Life

In all addictions, tolerance levels are built. What this means is that your husband might have started out watching porn here and there. Most men who suffer from sex addiction start with porn early in their teen years and have been masturbating weekly since then. At least 365 times a year, your man has been wiring porn into his brain. Most times it is more than that. Over time, his brain will need more and more porn to get the same level of “high” it is providing for him. This is referred to as the “hijacked brain”.

More time watching, more intensity within the porn, and often the need builds to make things riskier to get the same dopamine dump into his brain. Unfortunately, this leads some men to seek out the sexual high with real people. Tolerance levels will keep the addition going and going stronger. Often what this looks like to you, his wife, is disengagement from your life with him. He spends more time by himself and less time with you, your kids, friends, etc. He might feel like he is always “getting through life” to get back to his alone time. This disengagement may make you feel like you are doing everything in the relationship.

4. Withdrawal From Not Watching Porn

This is real. If your man doesn’t watch porn and especially if he doesn’t masturbate, he will experience withdrawal. His symptoms can swing from crabby to angry and hopeless. This will happen if he goes longer than usual without watching porn and masturbating. Many men think they don’t have an addiction because they can not watch porn for a while. However, instead, they are masturbating a few times a week with the images from the porn in their head. That still counts. Freud called masturbation the “primal addiction”. It is at the core of the porn problem. Withholding masturbation will make withdrawal symptoms come on.

5. Secrets Including Porn Addiction and Masturbating

Most addicts keep their behavior a secret. The people in their lives do not know the total truth about how much they are consuming porn and masturbating. They often have secret browsers, email accounts, passwords, or relationships that enable them to keep their porn addiction going. “Compartmentalization” becomes a way of life. To be able to do the things he is doing and then be a loving husband and father, his nervous system must put the two aspects of his life into two separate boxes. Having a secret often goes hand in hand with addiction.

If your husband struggles with porn or sex addiction, you should spend time learning about sex addiction. He will likely not be in a place to do so for a while. This knowledge base will significantly help you out as you decide how to, and gain the strength to, proceed. I have created a short course to teach you the basics behind porn addiction HERE. My Personalized Neuro Training program will help you gain two massively important skills and you can check it out HERE. (1) I will help you get your brain and body optimized so you can handle the road of recovery ahead of you and your spouse (I work with both partners and addicts). (2) I will coach you individually, using my training and knowledge of sex addiction recovery so both you can make informed, wise decisions along the way. When your husband is ready, I can coach him separately too.

If you are not ready to jump into recovery yet, sign up for my tips to reach your full potential. They will help you strengthen your brain and life to help you when you are ready.

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