Trying to figure out if your man’s porn watching is a porn addiction can be slightly challenging. There are clear porn addiction characteristics that you can look for to know if it is a problem or not. Especially when he is telling you it’s no big deal, but you feel like it is. You can look for these porn addiction characteristics to discern what is really going on.
Mostly wives reach out to me, so I will speak to you in this blog post. But, if you are a man struggling with porn addiction, kudos to you for getting educated on porn addiction signs. I can help.
I know that many men think that their wife is nuts and over-reacting about their pornography use and masturbation. At some point in their recovery, they usually realize their wife was right, it is a bigger deal than they realized, and it is an addiction. This is what I hear a lot, “I thought she was stupid and weak, I now know she was smart and strong”. Unfortunately, many times you, the spouse of a sex addict, must lead the way into recovery. I am here for you.
Is it Really an “Addiction”?
The reason the word “addiction” is important is that it signifies if sexual behavior has control of your man or if he has control of it. If it is an addiction, it has control of him and he probably doesn’t even know it. There are ways you can help him see the light. Porn addiction is quickly becoming the most prominent and dangerous behavioral addiction out there. Here are the top 5 porn addiction characteristics that can indicate a problem and not just a light masturbation habit.
5 Characteristics of Porn Addiction
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Try to Stop Watching Porn and Masturbating
In any addiction, there have glimmering moments that your spouse has thought to himself, “this is a problem”. In those moments, he may have even vowed to stop. However, he has been unable to. The inability to stop means the situation is out of his control. It quite literally has control over him. He may have even promised you he would stop, but he was not able to deliver on that promise. This is especially the case when real-life problems hit the fan due to his porn watching or sexual behaviors and he still can’t stop. As his wife, you might be asking yourself “why he doesn’t care enough to stop”? It is because he can’t. It is an addiction. Addicts can’t stop by themself. They need help to stop.
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Consequences of Porn Watching and Sexual Behavior
When faced with consequences of his porn watching or sexual behavior he still can’t stop. Even if you are constantly mad at him and eventually threaten to kick him out, he keeps going. He might have been able to stop for a little while, but then he is back to it. Again, it is out of his control. Many times, the consequences are financial and relational. The addiction has cost you and him a high price.
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Building Tolerance – More Time & Intensity, Disengaged From Life
In all addictions, tolerance levels are built. What this means is that your husband might have started out watching porn here and there. Most men who suffer from sex addiction start with porn early in their teen years and have been masturbating weekly since then. At least 365 times a year, your man has been wiring porn into his brain. Most times it is more than that. Over time, his brain will need more and more porn to get the same level of “high” it is providing for him. This is referred to as the “hijacked brain”. More time watching, more intensity within the porn, and often the need builds to make things riskier to get the same dopamine dump into his brain.
Unfortunately, this leads some men to seek out the sexual high with real people. Tolerance levels will keep the addition going and going stronger. Often what this looks like to you, his wife, is disengagement from your life with him. He spends more time by himself and less time with you, your kids, friends, etc. He might feel like he is always “getting through life” to get back to his alone time. This disengagement may make you feel like you are doing everything in the relationship.
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Withdrawal as a Characteristic of Porn Addiction
If you find yourself unable to access your substance, process, or relationship you experience some form of withdrawal. Your symptoms can swing from crabby to hopeless. You will find this happening almost every time you are in circumstances that last longer than your usage patterns have been in the past.
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Secrets Including Sex Addiction
Most addicts keep their behavior a secret. The primary people in their lives do not know the total truth about how much they are using or doing. They often have secret browsers, email accounts, passwords, or relationships that enable them to keep their porn and sex addiction going. “Compartmentalization” becomes a way of life. To be able to do the things he is doing and then be a loving husband and father, his nervous system must put the two aspects of his life into two separate boxes. Having a secret often goes hand in hand with addiction.
What Do I Do If I Need Help With Porn Addiction?
If your husband struggles with porn or sex addiction, you should spend time learning about sex addiction. He will likely not be in a place to do so for a while. This knowledge base will significantly help you out as you decide how to, and gain the strength to, proceed. I have created a short course highlighting the basics HERE for you. This is perfect if you have no clue about the subject.
If you are ready to get help, your personalized Neuro Training program will help you gain two massively important skills and you can check it out HERE. (1) I will help you get your brain and body optimized so you can handle the road of recovery ahead of you and your spouse (I work with both partners and addicts). (2) I will coach you individually, using my training and knowledge of sex addiction recovery so both you can make informed, wise decisions along the way. When your husband is ready, I can coach him separately too.
How Can Dr. Trish Leigh Help with Porn Addiction?
Dr. Trish Leigh can help you and your man beat porn addiction. She is trained under the leading minds in sex addiction therapy and brain health, Dr. Doug Weiss and Dr. Daniel Amen. Dr. Leigh uses a proven formula that includes proper identification of the underlying cause, then behavior modification, cognitive-behavioral principles, and coaching.
Additionally, she will help you train your brain and body so it is more receptive to the work that you will do to overcome porn and masturbation. Dr. Leigh is highly trained in all of these areas and her program is very discrete to protect your privacy. Her Neuro Training and Coaching can help you. Join her for your personalized Neuro Training program. Not only will you enjoy the process (instead of dreading it), but you will also end up a better version of yourself too. Find out all the elements that it includes HERE. Here is the shortlist:
- EEG Biofeedback Brain Training
- Heart Rate Efficiency Training
- Breathing Efficiency Training
- Body Movement Efficiency Training
- Sleep Efficiency Training
- Personality Testing & Optimization
- Goal Setting & Realization
Let’s Do This. Let me help you #controlyourbrain
If you’d like to schedule a qEEG Brain Map Assessment with Dr. Trish Leigh to determine which program is a good fit, click HERE.
