In this blog post, we are going to think about three things
- How pornography consumption creates a narcissistic bubble and what is it?
- What happens in your brain when you’re caught in this narcissistic bubble.
- I’m going to give you your brain tip strategy so that you can pop the bubble, get out and get back to thriving in your life.
What do I mean by narcissistic bubble? A narcissist is a person who thinks the world revolves around them. They think the world is here for their pleasure and they can take from it without necessarily having to give it back to it.
If you have been consuming pornography for a long time, especially if you ever engage in edging which I’ve made a couple of videos about, then you might be keeping your brain in the narcissistic bubble long-term. First of all, it is very damaging but secondly, it can give you these characteristics.
#1 Objectification
If you go into the screen and you hit the easy button for this dopamine flood, you are linking the people on the screen as objects to the pleasure in your brain. Over time you begin to inadvertently see other people as objects for your pleasure. It creates the mindset that they are here for your needs and your pleasure. It leads to checking people out in the world and thinking that your partner is there to serve you. I’ve heard people in the bubble say, “All I need from my woman is food and sex.”
#2 Lack Of Intimacy
There is no real intimacy in porn, especially not as a fourth wall observer of a fake contrived performance. For many people who have narcissistic tendencies in the first place that is by design. I’ve heard people who are in this bubble say, “You know, my partner is, a lot of work. Why would I ever go to my partner when I have to care about what she thinks or feels when I can just go back to porn?” That’s a very narcissistic tendency.
#3 Control Of The Environment
It goes back to, “Why would I have to worry about another person in this act when I can just control everything? There’s nobody else who needs to have an opinion, who has to be aroused, who has to care what I’m doing, or I have to care about what they’re doing.”
We know when you hit the easy button, you go into the screen, you can pick the people you want to watch. You can pick the acts you want to watch. You can pick the genres you want to watch. You have complete control over your experience. When you are connected in the real world there are so many more variables that you can’t control. Narcissists like to have control.
#4 Reflection
They see themselves reflected in the mirror as the performers in the pornography performances. This gives them a real rush of power. That is a distorted reality, because, first of all, it’s fake. Secondly, that is not them. However, it gives the narcissist, especially a person who is caught in this bubble, the feelings of power and control that come from being in the bubble.
#5 Withdrawal And Isolation
True narcissists don’t really want to be with or connect with other people. They want to use them as objects for their own desire and pleasure without intimacy and with full control. All of these aspects go together. When a narcissist is in the bubble, it also helps them to feel withdrawn and in isolation.
They create this bubble that puts them in their own little world within the world. It can create this feeling of safety. Unfortunately, it’s damaging their brain significantly. And it’s terrible because our lives are meant to be ones of connection and ones of intimacy, ones of pleasure, ones of happiness and joy.
#6 Total Compliance
There’s no challenge within hitting the easy button. They can make people comply with them by choosing the actors or the performers by choosing the scenes. So, going back to total control, that’s also total compliance. If you tell your partner you want them to do something and your partner is like, I don’t think so, dude, then there’s no compliance. That challenges the narcissist. Even in conversations, if a topic challenges someone’s thought process who is in the narcissistic bubble which goes against what they think it can be very challenging for that person.
#7 Constant Validation
Unfortunately, it’s very debilitating. If a person puts themselves in a position where they always have to get away from intimacy, they are always trying to isolate, they are trying to have full control, and they need to be validated by porn in their pocket by checking it out every half hour. That is a wounded soul. That is a person who needs constant validation by seeing themselves as the performer. That’s what narcissism is. People who are narcissists think of themselves as very powerful and in control. I see it as just the opposite. It’s a dependency on going to something external to validate your existence through a distorted reality. That is not a healthy or happy place to be.
A happy place to be is in the world with people who don’t comply with you. But you can have fun with someone who challenges your thought system, but then you can reach new endings with them. People who don’t want the same thing as you want, but you can reach some agreements and come to a way to enjoy each other from different perspectives.
#8 Shame
There’s so much shame in the narcissistic bubble. But guess what? It’s contained in the bubble. So when you stay in the bubble, it’s filled with shame and it’s most likely destroying you. At least it’s not externalized and it’s not something you have to deal with. This can really lead to some interesting behaviors that people will have when they’re in the narcissistic bubble. Those interesting behaviors can be ones filled with conflict, filled with shame, filled with hurt, but also seemingly driven and powerful and in control. In reality, it’s actually a lack of control.
What’s happening in the brain?
What’s happening in the brain is this massive flood of dopamine and lingering in that space..All your brain wants is more dopamine. We know from the science that once the floodgates are opened, the brain is linked to finding more and more and more of dopamine. Dopamine is actually a motivation neurotransmitter. It’s one that keeps you moving towards it. When you create this bubble, it is self-feeding and self-fulfilling. It will keep your brain going back for more and more dopamine. At the same time, it is frying out those dopamine receptors. People who keep themselves in the narcissistic bubble are moving towards porn-induced erectile dysfunction if they don’t suffer from that already. Porn induced erectile dysfunction means that you can get an erection when you’re watching porn, but when you go try to be with your honey you can’t.
What’s the brain tip to get out of this?
You’ve got to pop that bubble, my friend. Don’t allow yourself to linger in this space. In your porn brain rewire journey you can bring yourself back out of this. Lower the levels of dopamine that you are giving your brain and that you’re keeping. Bring your brain in that place. Think about if you’re going back frequently and consistently, think about if you are using different scenes to validate yourself and to make you feel powerful. The best thing to do is just leave porn behind altogether. We know decreasing can be difficult, almost impossible. You know, cutting the cord and just going cold turkey. But with a plan and with strategies and tools and support, that’s the way that you succeed in this. So if you are looking for help on this journey, please reach out to me at DrTrishLeigh.com. I have programs of different sizes and shapes.Go check them out if you’re not ready for a program.
